That Must ‘ve hurt

I like a good action movie. Lots of punching, kicking, shooting, blowing up of stuff, all the things that get you all hyped up. In those movies the lead role is usually played by a guy that’s all beefed up. There has been a trend to have female leads in this kind of role but they are never really believable. They are always too thin and fragile looking making all the action comical instead of jaw dropping. That is why when I first saw a trailer for Haywire I jumped right on the band wagon.

Mallory Kane (Gina Carano) is a highly skilled black ops agent who’s world suddenly falls apart. The people she works with/for who she is supposed to trust with her life betray her. She survives the attempt on her life and has to find out where everything went wrong.

Even though the movie stars a new comer the supporting cast for this movie is just amazing; Ewan MacGregor, Michael Fassbender, Bill Pazton, Antonio Banderas, Michael Douglas and, you wouldn’t call him “amazing” but you know his name, Charming Potato Channing Tatum. Also Haywire has a great director in Steven Soderberg. So why is this such a bad movie? Where should I start?

Well the story or lack there of made the movie a mishmash of pointless scenes that barely come together to make a coherent plot. I have no problem with non-linear story telling as long as there is a point to each segment and it all ties together properly in the end. At the end of the movie there are still pieces missing.

The dialogue is simply atrociousness. There is actually very little dialogue in the movie, it is sprinkled throughout, so you would imagine that those precious few words would be well used but instead they are wasted with bad one-liners and clumsy phrases.

Even with a movie like this, costume design is very important. There is no need for historic garb, futuristic attire, or alien interpretation but simple clothing still makes a difference. I understand that Gina Carano is supposed to be represented differently in the movie by creating a different image for a female action star. Not dressing her in impractical attire is a good start but that doesn’t mean she has to look ugly. She is a beautiful lady with an amazing body so dressing her shouldn’t be that big of a problem. They put her in stupid hats, unflattering and cheap looking clothes. That doesn’t make her look tough that just makes her look stupid.

The direction of the movie came off as amateurish. There were so many faux pas that were hard to miss throwing off the action or the overall mood. Sure there are exceptions to the rule but they only work when it adds to the final product but in this case it actually detracted from it. On top of that even the score is bad. The movie was a bit of a throw back to the action films of the 1960s and 70s. This was before music was truly utilized in this movie genre where action sequences were quiet and you heard the heavy breathing, shuffling, and the sound of every fist hitting its intended target. But when there was music in those movies it added to the overall feel creating depth. In this movie the music was out of place. The movie was filmed with a Traffic style, gritty and hectic, but the music was very Ocean’s 11, funky and upbeat, creating this overall Pink Panther (1963) feel. But the movie was trying to be too serious and it just didn’t work.

I will say though that the fight scenes are great. Gina is awesome. When she hits someone you know they feel it and you kinda feel it too. She definitely has what it takes to be an action star and I hope she gets the chance to be one. I will also give the movie credit for a detail that many action movies seem to ignore. When someone gets punched or kicked in the face it swells and bruises and doesn’t magically disappear in 20 minutes. In this people looked like they were actually in a fight. They showed bruises and swelling and cuts and redness, even when trying to cover it with makeup.

I was really disappointed that this wasn’t a good movie. Haywire is supposed to set the pace for a new type of leading lady and failed at it. I hope Hollywood doesn’t give up on the concept of a hard hitting femme fatale who actually looks the part.

Tra