Death by chocolate

So is anyone else unnerved by the suicidal candy ads? You know the new Cadbury Cream Egg commercials that tell you to “Get the goo out”? I have to say I find it disturbing that these manic depressive chocolate eggs roll around in a jolly fashion finding ways to disembowel themselves. Is this really supposed to make me want to eat them?

I would be scared to devour one of these bi-polar chocolate maniacs. Their chemically unbalanced innards may transfer over to me. At one moment I could be happily walking down the street or relaxing on the couch granting the eggs’ their wish to be free from their corporeal selves and then the next have the sudden urge to step in front of a bus or step off a balcony. What if I actually do it? The world will cease to exist (I refuse to believe it will go on without me).

But these are ads that are being played all over the world I believe. Even if it is only North America it is still getting into the home of millions of people. What if all these people go and eat one of these things? They will all be affected. At least half will go off kilter. And maybe half of those will try to off themselves. And then maybe half of them will succeed. They would go form 90 degrees to 45 and then 0 in a matter of minutes. It will be some sort of epidemic. People would just start offing themselves for no reason. It will be like The Happening except better cuz it won’t be the trees.

SIDENOTE: The degrees thing. It is a theory I developed to describe how crazy people are. My fellow bloggers, Cory and Nel, know what I am talking about. You need a protractor for this one. Here.

If you are at 90 degrees you are standing upright. It means that you are sane. Sane people are usually between 100 and 80 degrees. Now your insanity depends on how small or how big your angle is. If you angle is <79 but >1, the smaller it gets the more of a crazy introvert you are. So that’s your loners and hermits. If you angle is >100 but <179, the bigger it gets the more of a crazy extrovert you are. So that is you howl at the moon and flailing arms type of people. If you are at either 0 or 180 you are either so crazy you can’t get up or dead. So yeah, there is only a little normal and a whole lot of crazy. That was kind of a long side note but needed I think.

I guess it is a good thing that these ads will only be on for a short period of time. Just for that period after Valentines Day to the end of Chocolate Season, Easter. But still that is more than enough time to do harm to the public. Personally I am going to stick with my Mini-Eggs. The smaller happier…lets call them younger siblings of those whacked out cream eggs. They don’t have a death wish and aren’t filled with possibly toxic ooze. Their hard sweet shells are inviting and their milk chocolaty centers are soothing. There are even the Poppin’ Mini-Eggs that provide a surprise with the use of pop-rocks.

I will be trying my best to resist the lure of the cream eggs. Their thick milk chocolate shell and there sweet gooey center only mask how dangerous it really is. Bunny ears on a cougar. I must resist, I hope I make it.

Tra